In the Sunday Times this week was a fascinating article on Narcissism. (Self-absorption, vanity, egotism, selfishness, conceit, self-importance). It seems the world in general is obsessed with self-absorption.Confession time: This morning I had a ‘discussion’ with my wife Tammy. Well, perhaps it was more than a mere discussion – possibly a mild disagreement. No…actually it was an argument. A narcissistic argument! Meaning I was absorbed with self-importance and selfishness. Luckily she gently helped me see it for what it was – a narcissistic attitude, and after some sulking, but more importantly, self-examination and an acceptance that I was acting selfishly, peace has been restored to the marriage!
The issue is this: We all want happiness! And it seems we will pretty much do whatever it takes to make me happy. Whether it is pursuing goals and goods, or whether it is stepping all over people around me to achieve my little world of bliss. But I want to be happy! If I happen to make you unhappy in my pursuit of happiness, well, that’s a shame, but it can’t be helped. Or can it? Have we possibly gone about the chase after happiness all wrong?
In the book, ‘Quiet Desperation: the Truth about Successful Men in America’, the psychologist surveyed successful men all across America and discovered that successful men are no happier than unsuccessful men.
I read an article about Patrick Swayze, the actor. You'd think he'd have every reason to be happy. He's had one blockbuster hit after another at the movies, he's rich, handsome, adored by millions. Yet he said, "It's true that this is what I've always dreamed of. But once I got here I wondered why my life felt so empty. I'm not satisfied with what I've got and I have no body to complain to."
Then there was an article on Freddy Mercury, the lead singer of Queen, possibly the first rock super star to die of AIDS. At the height of his career he wrote these words: "What is there left for me to do in this life? Did I achieve what I set in my sights? Am I a happy man or is this sinking sand? Was it worth it?"
Matthew 6:3 - "How happy are those who know their need is for God."
The first step toward happiness is to recognize what your real hunger is. The ache in your heart, what's missing is God! If anything but God is at the center of your life, you will not be satisfied. The Bible says God made you as a spiritual being. You're not just a piece of flesh. Pascal says, God created a God shaped vacuum in your heart. When you try to fill that emptiness with anything but God it's like trying to put a square in a round hole. It doesn't fit. What you're really searching for in all of your search for happiness, is God. When He's not the center of your life you are unsatisfied. Augustine said, "Thou, O Lord, hast made us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until they find themselves in Thee."
You were made to know God and your greatest need is to know Him. The sooner you figure that out the easier your life is going to be. Then you stop trying to find replacements, plastic substitutes for the real thing. You get to know God.
Getting to know God results in me understanding that it is God and God alone that meets my needs.
Don't expect your spouse to meet all your needs, or your boss, or anyone. If you expect somebody else to meet all your needs you're going to be disappointed. God says, “Expect Me to meet your needs.”
Rather than frantically grabbing all you can get, relax God will take care of your needs. The whole world belongs to God. If you are His child, they will belong to you. Learn to become a giver and not a taker. Trust God and expect Him to meet all your needs.
Ecclesiastes 2 shows the futility of trying to be happy without God in your life over the long term. The first 11 verses of Ecclesiastes 2 uses "my", "mine", "myself", or "I" 34 times. He talks about my success, my happiness, my health, my harem, my money, my pleasure, my education, my success. It's incredibly self-centered. Self centered people are never happy. Why? If you achieve all that you could ever wanted or ask for, you still have to live with yourself - and when you're self-centered you're no fun to live with. You're miserable. Learn to trust God and don't be so self-centered.
It is not by accident that the baby boom generation -- the Me Generation or the Me First Generation -- is the most self absorbed generation in history. And they are also the most dissatisfied generation in history. Self-centeredness, depression. and a lack of fulfillment.
So here it is – the way to find happiness: Get to know how good God is, and then trust God to give you all you need for your life. That is where happiness begins.
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2 comments:
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?Yours is a nice blog.
Ken:
I have read your article after a review of the book in question, Quiet Desperation. As I read your initial thoughts, funny how "your wife" seemed to bring you back into reality. But was it really.
Think about it for a moment... You are successful, beautiful wife, children, etc. BUT there is NOTHING wrong with wanting more out of life. By standing back and really looking at your life, what was missing? I find it ironic that many people, men specifically have been drawn into this mindset that that the woman always knows best.
No she doesn't. When did men become so fragile? Dumb. Look at the commercials today. We are all dumb. I mean we cannot even figure out where to buy tires for a car. Come on ! !
Who says she is right. Sure she is sexy as you say. But are you like most men that in a marriage, that within 22 months (average) that the woman now dresses down for bed. Remember when she came to bed naked.. ALL THE TIME. Not any more huh?
Or the little "How was your day honey?" It usually begins even before you get home now with a cell call telling you you need to do this or that. Why is this. Nothing wrong with honey do lists but come on. You end up in a friend with benefits deal. Why can't the man be the man of the house any more?
Because she says so. Because she has the one thing that all men want, can hardly ever have after marriage. You know. Why do you think Viagra sells so well in this country? Because the constant berating by women has dumbed down the image of a man so deeply that their whole mindset has been reduced to "do as I say, not as I do".
Ask around. Real men will tell you. Most are afraid of their wives as they feel they will have to spend some quality time on the couch or in a spare bedroom. Make a stand for crying out loud. Grow some balls and say enough is enough. It works ! ! !
Shame. Good luck.
Stephen Witt / NC
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